My Princess in the Sky

 "The only tears you should cry, cry laughing" 

~Laugh So You Don't Cry by Andy Davis

Esta es la vida - That's life ... I knew I would lose my princess while I was in Costa Rica; I just had this sad feeling of the cold truth in my heart that she was getting old and having such a hard time walking.  I was scared that when I was leaving and saying goodbye that it would be our final goodbye, and sure enough, she ended up being the one leaving me.  I agree, dogs are man's best friend, because my Holly was my little baby girl pup since I was nine.  I was always convinced that if she were a human, she would have been a prissy and dainty girl - she loved being cozy, curled up and asleep near a fireplace or sprawled out in the sun.  She would have made a great model because she especially loved posing for pictures, or so I believed - she was a natural.  I would know, I have more pictures of her than probably anyone or anything else in the world. She was such a doll, and now she's a star in the sky like my mom said, looking down over us.  So I don't get to return to her like I had hoped, and so it goes, that's life.. princesses all have to leave us at one time or another, they've got bigger and better places to go where they can be eternally beautiful. 

"I finally got out 

I looked at the world to see

In your eyes I figured it out 

what took you away from me

I know daisies never bloom inside of a room

There's nothing left for me to do

I'm free like you

Six feet under"

~6 ft Under by the Woods

"But I don't think my heart's ever let me down

And I still cry because I can't always have it my way, 

And sometimes crying can help you out. 

Sing it aloud, sing it aloud, 

and scream, shred your lungs I need to hear you louder now, 

and sing, as if you'll never sing again. 

And when the morning comes and your throat is sore, 

You'll face the day like you did before, 

With a smile on in the end." 

***********************

I'm convinced that no matter what's going on in my life, I always have a soundtrack that I live by and it is constantly changing each day.  Sometimes I can't really tell, though, if I put songs to what's going on around me and how I'm feeling, or if I adapt how I'm feeling and how I respond to what's going on around me based on the music I'm listening to.  It depends, I suppose.  Supposedly Travis and Nick, two of the other student teachers here, are putting together a soundtrack of Costa Rica based on their memories here - what a good idea.  Music is probably one of the best ways to capture and keep memories alive, aside from photographs. If there's one thing I need in life, it's music - it's my healer for when I don't feel well; it's my dance partner whether I'm alone or not; it's my epiphany-generator and outlet for expression; it wakes me up in the morning and puts me to bed at night... it does so many things that I can't possibly list them all. Anyway, thank you music for being so amazing, I don't know what I'd do without ya (I suppose a giant "thank you" to everyone who makes music, would be appropriate, too.. especially my dad who not only makes music, but keeps it alive by passing it on to his students and everyone around him). 

Another thank you!!! to Lisa K. for all of the new music you have shared with me - music is the best gift :)

Yesterday I don't think I could have asked for a better half-birthday celebration.  1.) I got to celebrate it in Costa Rica ... which is the main reason I decided to celebrate it actually, just so I could say that... 2.) I got to sleep in, work out in the gorgeous weather, go to my favorite cafe, go to an art museum, have a picnic outside and watch little kids chase birds around, go to a movie (even though it ended horribly), and I went out dancing with friends ... okay that's more than 2 things but I didn't feel like putting all those numbers in there.  It doesn't matter how many things I did, it just matters that it was an excellent day.. even though I'm not officially 22 1/2 until Monday, but still.  And by the way, yes, I realize that I sound very childish saying that I'm 22 1/2, but I'm pretty proud of it and I generally just like coming up with reasons to celebrate.  

Something I've learned, and advise others to do: Make friends with the person sitting next to you on the bus.  (Of course you can apply this to other places, too, like if you're in a long line or something).  Or at least just say hi.  That seems so blatantly obvious, but anyone who knows me knows that I can be shy especially when I first meet someone - put me in a situation where I am sitting next to a complete stranger for a long bus ride, then add the fact that this person speaks a language I'm still practicing, then it only adds to my shyness... it also makes for some awkward moments, which I actually kind of find amusing now.  So when a Tican girl about my age sat down next to me on the bus home from Puerto Viejo I probably would have been fine to come up with something to say now that I'm feeling more confident speaking in Spanish... except that there's one more thing: I literally thought I was going to die of thirst.  I have never been so thirsty in my life.  I left a day earlier than the guys and came straight from the beach, just in time to make it to my bus, but not enough time to buy more water.  I felt so awkward sitting there staring out the window trying to think of how I was going to last 4 hours longer with no water when I realized I could just ask the girl sitting next to me.  I didn't want to be rude and have that be the first thing I said to her, I had to become her friend first, and then ask her for water... did she even have water? So I tried not to make it obvious, but I kept sneaking glances to see if she did.  Maybe I would have just started talking to her first in other circumstances, but I couldn't think because I was just that thirsty.  I thought that if I could just get some water, then I would be able to properly communicate with this girl, but wait, in order to possibly get my water, I'd have to talk to her first... what a vicious little circle.  You have no idea how awkward this was sitting next to a girl I didn't know for probably about half an hour without saying a single word and no eye contact, nothing, just sitting there right next to each other. Finally we had a moment where we almost looked at each other at the same time, but then we both looked away, and then I decided that it was really lame of us, I'm just going to get it over with or this is going to be an extremely long ride.  So I faced my tired and dizzy head right at her (probably looking like I was drunk) and literally just said a big, "Hola".  That was it, it was all I could come up with at the time.. how original.  She looked at me and giggled an "hola" back, which made me smile and ask (stupidly) if she was from Costa Rica to which she giggled a "si".  And that was that.  I turned my head and continued to stare out the window thinking of how lame I was but glad that I at least broke the ice... mmm ice.. I was still dying of thirst and obviously still felt bad for asking her for water after that weird, initial hola.  After a few minutes she thought of a couple other get-to-know-you questions.  It went on like that for probably another half an hour, saying a couple sentences, and then looking out the window, repeat.  At one point she listened to her i-pod for a little bit and I was enjoying her music, and then told her so after she put it away.. but I think she was embarrassed that she was playing it loud enough for me to hear.  And I still couldn't ask her for the water.  Finally, the bus stopped at a rest stop; she asked if I needed to get out of the bus and I ran off the bus, never more excited to buy a bottle of water.  When I sat back down next to her, I tried to savor my water and drink it casually... I think it was gone in under three minutes. A little bit later it was too dark to read or stare out the window, but then this girl (her name was Estezi), got out her i-pod again... and she asked if I wanted to listen with her.  The shy me didn't know if I should accept or not, but if I didn't, then she'd probably think I was mocking her earlier when I said I liked her music... and I really did want to listen anyway.  So I mustered out an "ok" and put the earphone in and there we sat for about the rest of the way home.  No words were needed, we just snuggled up to this Spanish music playing in our ears.  I had an epiphany (remember, music makes that happen) and I thought that we could have spent the whole bus ride in complete silence, feeling too shy or too cool to say hi to each other... but really, that was all it took: hola.  Two girls who had just met randomly on the bus sharing headphones blaring out these Spanish love songs, probably both of us thinking about the guys in our lives who made us feel the same. I felt like I was sitting there curled up with Sarah or Gussy, two of my amazing friends.  So I guess there's just one more reason why I love music so much... and that's probably reason enough to love it.

For a complete change of subject, I just want to throw it out there that I'm on umbrella number 4 - that's four umbrellas in the course of two and a half months.  It's absolutely crucial to have an umbrella in CR, which is why I spent so much time picking out the perfect umbrella before I came here.  It was lime green with light blue polka dots - I wanted to be different and bring some color on rainy days.  Well, it got stolen after four days of being here.. which is what I get for spending too much time on picking it out.  So then my Aunt Kathy let me keep hers since she was with me when it got stolen and she was leaving the country anyway.  It was a nice dark green umbrella, no problem.  And it got left somewhere in Manuel Antonio. Okayyy so then my dad gave me his lovely umbrella, but by lovely, I mean very cheap (haha its okay dad) but yes, it lasted a few weeks, and then decided it didn't like its job anymore.  I finally purchased an umbrella after a couple days of trying to tough it out in the rain - not a bright idea by the way.  I made sure not to spend toooo much time on picking it out, (unfortunately I didn't see a brightly colored one, just dark blue with some kinda pattern on it) but I had to make sure it wasn't overly priced and would at least be durable enough to last 6 weeks for me.  Wish my umbrella and me luck, we'll probably need it :)   

One more thing for now: I've always thought and told my mom that she is one of my best friends - and it remains true; I have a good amount of wonderful friends but my mom is just one of the best of the best.  It's funny though, because at the same time I identify myself as a Daddy's Girl.  As I'm reading this book he gave me to read, I can't help but acknowledge how lucky I am - he's right, he HAD to have written this book, because he is almost identical to the author (Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture).. except that I'm fortunate to have him in my life longer than Randy's children got to have him in their lives.  I'm getting towards the end of this book and Randy, who is dying of cancer writes that he wants his 18 month old daughter to know that he was the first man to ever fall in love with her.  My dad highlighted this part (as I told him to highlight parts in the book that he especially liked) and wrote a note to me saying that he has always felt the same way.  I've gotten so good at keeping my emotions at check and I hardly ever cry, no matter how choked up I am - but he got me.  I think all girls need to hear this from their dads because as guys come in and out of our lives, we wait and wait for the right guy to become head over heels in love with us; a guy who not only promises to always love us, but who actually proves it with his actions.. we wait, but really, this guy has been there all along.  Clearly it's a different kind of love, but I think the waiting for the other guy becomes a little bit easier when you know how much love you already have.  

It's written in the sand

Shell from Melania

What a sweetheart! I received a "detail" from one of my students.  She didn't know this, but I have been trying to collect seashells or other memorable pieces from the places I visit.  I've been a little sad because everyone says that some of the prettiest beaches are in Guanacaste, but I don't think I'll make it there because it's so far away from where I'm staying in Tres Rios.  Melania, one of the fourth graders, raised her hand in science class today, so I went over to see what her question was.  Instead of asking me a question, she gave me a very distinct and beautiful seashell from a beach in Guanacaste.  Did you know that a seashell can make a person's day? Because it did :) That, and the pictures my parents sent me of my princess and prince - Holly and Buddy, my puppies.

Star students

Spicing things up a bit with the fourth graders because the discipline system, well, hardly exists really.  I thought up another idea based from something my mentor, Kim, did with her first graders.  I've been trying a reward system, but it needs more structure.  I decided and got approved by my cooperating teacher, is called Star Students.  I made a big poster that has this title at the top, and then each of the 25 students' names.  Each student will get 3 stars at the beginning of each day, but if they misbehave, they get a star taken down.  If at the end of the day they have no more stars left, I think they should have to talk to the director (which is a big deal around here, but honestly, some of these kids need a reality check).  The next day they will get a fresh start.  By the end of the week, if they managed to keep at least 10 stars, they get a reward (maybe something different each week).  The students who kept all 15 of their stars throughout the week will get an extra reward or privilege.  Today I hung up this poster, without the stars yet, but there was a stir in the classroom - yep, a little spice and hopefully resulting in something very nice. 

Scraping the bottom

I just had a nice three day weekend, and today, my first day back at school again, I'm already so exhausted. I've been working so hard that at times I'm scraping the bottom.  Today was supposed to be a somewhat easier week because the students are reviewing for their exams, which are next week.  In other words, I'm putting myself to use by coming up with review activities.  Today I came up with a "Hurricane and Tornado Search", front to back - a lot of information, but I added little drawings and things to make it more interesting.  The students were working on them in small groups today and it was awesome to see them thinking so hard.  I taught them how to become experts at searching for key words to help fill in the missing information.  I loved seeing their faces light up when they learned the art of skimming and finding the answers.  Some of the kids even made guesses based on the drawings, which means two things: they're making sense of the information... and, I'm an excellent artist - ha. They've been wanting to do another science experiment for awhile now, but I haven't been teaching science lately - however, I brought up the idea to Viviana and it's a go for Friday! I told her what I needed and she pointed to four big buckets above their lockers in the classroom and said to look in there for the materials... She said she didn't know what was even in there because she hasn't looked. Here's where I have to pull a Dane Cook and say, "UMMM HELLO?? UM, HIIII??" I didn't know that all of those science materials were there!!!! I found so much in there, Friday is going to be dedicated to experiments in science. If my kids don't love me now, they're going to love me by the end of the week, for sure.  Anyway, I made a math review today too, which is for tomorrow, and I'm still working on some more activities.. I definitely make more work for myself, I make myself so exhausted that I'm in bed as soon as I can at night.  I feel like I'm close to being a work-aholic, but at the same time, I love it.  It's tiring, but I can hardly call it work; it's more of a passion, more of a dedication to my students.

Typical new kid story

Felipe is a new boy at school.  The first couple of days, he was like a new toy to the students.  They all wanted to see what he was all about and he got so much attention.  Slowly, and now a few weeks later, it's as though he's hardly even in the classroom.  He's shy, knows very little English, and isn't very athletic... and he's not a spoiled brat, he's the exact opposite.  The poor kid was in tears last week and trying to sit in class without anyone else seeing, even though I hardly think anyone else noticed.  I didn't want to bring too much attention to him, but this was one of those moments where I had a flashback of being a kid myself.  I remember noticing kids who felt sad, left out, or hurt, and I remember feeling too shy most of the times to do anything to make them feel better.  I thought, "How can the teacher not see this? Why can't the teacher, who has all this power, do something to make it all better?"  Too often kids get left behind (no pun intended there) and they go under the radar, academically and socially speaking.  This is why kids might feel like failures, give up, or feel they need to get revenge.  As a kid, I had the power to help out those kinds of kids, but I was too scared most of the time.  As a teacher, I have even more power to help those kinds of kids and I promise not to look past it, I promise to do something about it, I promise to make the other kids aware of it.  I'm not trying to make myself sound like such a big super hero, but I went over and talked to Felipe for a bit, gave him a couple pieces of get-better candy and of course gave him an understanding smile.  Wow, big deal, right?  A couple seconds later I was back to working on something at the teacher's desk, when he called across the room, "Hey teacher... thank you" and he was all smiles.  Some of the students, I noticed, looked a little guilty, and some, maybe even felt relieved that their teacher did something about it - that's fine, but next time hopefully they will realize it can be their turn to do something about it. 

Happy Independence Day Costa Rica!  

I bet you're wondering what I did - I went to Puerto Viejo! My first time on the Caribbean side, and it was gorgeous to say the very least.  I went with three of the other student teachers here right now.  As the only girl, I have to say I did a good job of being pretty motherly; but also, as the only girl, they did a good job being like big brothers to me.  So that sounds messed up, but it wasn't, it was very fun.  I got my own cute little room right below their room at this hotel with a huge garden inside of it.  Just for the record, whenever we were getting ready to leave the hotel, I was always the one outside the boys' door waiting for them... interestingggg.  Anyway, we hiked on the trail that was in between the beach and the road; and of course, we spent as much time as possible on the beach.  The boys were surfing and I was taking pictures because these currents are very strong, it's even hard to just swim here at times.  Call me crazy for not taking this opportunity to learn how to surf, but I was perfectly content watching this time around.  Actually, you can call me something else, because I have another new nickname.. believe it.

 Saturday night, one of the places we stopped at had a live band.  So we sat down and listened, and we had this random guy sit down with us.  None of us realized that he was going to stay the whole time with us.  He kept talking about how he doesn't like to talk a lot... ironic?  The other thing is, he kept looking at me and saying, "you have sharp eyes, your eyes are so sharp".  So I officially have another new nickname - "Sharp Eyes"... which I guess automatically gives me a super power of being able to cut people with my sharp eyes.  Don't worry, I won't use it unless it's for self-defense.

Beauty in the Ugly

You know when people say that there is beauty in the ugly?  (It's similar to when some of my friends and I say that a shirt or something is so ugly it's cute). Well anyway, it sounds like it doesn't really make sense, but here, it makes sense to me.  This country is not very rich in terms of materials, such as fancy, big houses or really nice, expensive cars... however, they are so wealthy with landscapes.  Every day when I walk outside to school or look out the window of the bus, it's so interesting to see the contrast of poor homes and rich nature.  The homes that are put together with scraps and look like they're falling apart, are so sad that it's almost beautiful thinking of the work that went into building it and thinking of the people who must live there - living so simply. Not everyone's house is like this of course, but most of them are not exactly mansions by any means, yet they are elaborately decorated with the prettiest gardens or brightly colored paint.  Even the people are beautiful here with their generosity; so many of them are so giving and kind - I can tell this just by passing them by on the street when they say greet me or each other.  The saddest thing is seeing the people who really have nothing to give because they don't possess anything besides a coat as a blanket and a place to lay on the sidewalk.  Some people would turn their heads in disgust, but you have to wonder how they ended up there.  What's their story? What happened with their family? Are they hateful or resentful? Are they full of fear or sadness?  Are they hopeful and faithful? It's easy for me to say that it's unfortunate for them, but then again, maybe they have more than meets the eye.  Maybe all they have in this world is faith, and faith alone. To me, this is beauty in what would otherwise be thought of as ugly. 

The ocean is filled with stories as each wave carries an unspoken tale.  I, too, scrawl messages in the sand, only to be swept away by the sea. These words are left behind, secrets known only to the ocean and me.

Me Llame "Fiesta" (Call Me "Party")

Zip-lining in the jungle with monkey, lizard, mosquito and my dad:

These were not actual animals by the way, they were the nicknames of the guys who instructed my dad and I on this canopy tour.  My dad and I went to Manuel Antonio for four days and it was my best weekend in Costa Rica yet.  Besides zip-lining, we went white water rafting with intense rapids in Rio Naranja (even tho the river was more brown than orange) and I had a close call because I almost fell out of the raft, but luckily my feet were wedged into the raft enough, and I was right by the guide who yanked me up as soon as he saw it happen.  We also went to a Latin jazz club where we danced all night with some people from our hotel; we hiked through the National Park where we saw some animals and interesting plants - I even got to pet a little deer; we went to a small, yet one of the prettiest beaches ever, inside the park - Playa Espadilla; we ate at an actual airplane which was shot down in Nicaragua by the Sandanista government and brought to Costa Rica where it was turned into a very nice restaurant; we played with squirrel monkeys and a snake right outside of our hotel room; we met so many interesting people such as a couple families from England and a doctor from Canada; and we relaxed on Manuel Antonio Beach whenever we had free time.

I have to say, teaching a bunch of fourth graders while your dad is watching can be a little nerve-racking, but for me it was also pretty enjoyable - my students would say the same also, even though it was a little crazy, but that's nothing new.  They loved my dad, especially a few boys he taught how to play the baseball game 500. They were all asking where he was the next day and sad when I told him he had to go back to the states... what an influential guy my dad is :) We both agreed that we had the trip of a life time that not many people get to have with their dad or daughter.  Hopefully there will be plenty more to come.

My Best Teaching Head-Fakes Yet: The whole head-fake thing is from a book my dad and I were reading together called, The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch.  He says that head-fakes can be used for more than just football because they can also be used to teach something without people realizing they're learning. So far, I've already put this to use with my students since we read that part in the book. The first I thought of beforehand when I gave my dad a homework assignment: bring letters from his students for my fourth graders.  My students got extremely excited and got to work right away on their responses to their new pen pals from Wisconsin, including putting in photos,stickers, drawings, and other little gifts.  It's definitely a great way to motivate them to practice writing.  Other head-fakes include making a video about the fifth grader's role models in oral english class; also in fourth grade math I did a magic trick where I made the zeroes "disappear" when they were multiplying multiples of 10, 100, and 1,000 and then re-appear for the final end product.  We've also had some math centers and games to make the concepts more relevant to them.  Since I teach math to the fourth and fifth graders, it gets to be a lot, so it's one more reason I have to make it interesting... including making up stories to get the kids into the lesson.  I'm still not living one of them down... I made up such a bad story/joke for the 5th graders in a math lesson about how I was in a market and kept hearing this guy call out "decimal! decimal!" but then I realized that he was actually holding a piece of bad (mal) fruit saying "es mal! es mal!"  ..... yeah, it was the best I could do to get their attention one day, and that was about three weeks ago.. at least a million times every day my students come up and whisper in my ear or call from the other end of the school "DECIMAL! DECIMAL!" I don't think they're ever going to forget that one. It's worth it though, because I receive some very sweet compliments from my students about how they like my lessons since they're fun.. one student even requested for me to stay after I'm done student teaching to teach them math - but I think I have to turn that offer down since I miss everyone from the states too much.

Pat on the Back of the Month: It's not my intention to brag about all these good things that I have experienced or accomplished, because there are certainly things that are not so good at times - which is to be expected with anyone, of course.  It's just that I try to pay more attention to the positive things, which is why I need to share my huge "pat on the back" from the owner of this school.  I get nervous that I need to conform to how my cooperating teacher does her lessons, and I get worried that I'm spending too much time doing what I think is best for my students' learning instead of making sure every single workbook page is filled out. So  when I was told that the owner of the school wanted to speak with me last week, immediately my stomach turned upside down,thinking I must be in trouble for being too outrageous when I teach or something and they're going to make me switch schools or not be allowed to even teach in Costa Rica at all.  But it fortunately was not this bad as she asked how things were going for me and other questions about the students, and then told me how happy she was to have me at the school and to keep up what I'm doing because the students have told her good things about me.  BIG sigh of relief.  Needless to say, I left school that day with a huge smile on my face rather than my normal "I need the longest nap ever and maybe 20 cups of coffee" expression.  Even though teaching here continues to be one of the very hardest challenges I've ever had, I feel like I'm making at least some sort of positive impact on these kids, and I'm definitely growing as a teacher.. and another thing, I'm so ready for my own classroom. POR FAvor.

The Gift of a New Boyfriend: I guess when students get tired of giving their teachers candies or fruit or other small gifts, they decide to give them a boyfriend.  Well, today the girls in my fifth grade class gave me a new boyfriend because he's the same age as me apparently, and his name is Kevin - maybe you know him? He's the oldest Jonas Brother.... haha I have yet to meet this famous boy band singer, but hey, tomorrow they're bringing me a picture of him.  Yikes.

"More Time" by Needtobreathe: So now that I'm in my 10th week here, I have 7 weeks left - I feel like it's going to go by so fast because there's so much I need to do here still - things I want to do with my classes and places I want to see in CR.  It's so strange to think about all my friends back home either starting up classes again or starting new jobs.  I want to wish all of them "GOOD LUCK!" ... and honestly, keep in touch :) Also, incase you're wondering why you should call me Fiesta - it's because I received a name tag with this written on it from a waiter at a restaurant I went to one day for coffee.. random, but after you wear a name tag all day, whatever the name is on it just kind of sticks I suppose.. At least it's not a bad name, it's a lot better than Big Tuna or something.