You have no idea how strange it feels not to think in Spanish almost every second of the day anymore, and I kind of miss it at times. Some of the phrases and words are just so fun to say, and it's a little work out for your brain. I surprised myself- I didn't even cry at all as I left Costa Rica. Not during my surprise going away parties with the fourth or fifth grade class, not during my last fancy ceviche dinner or arepas and coffee breakfast with Flor, not even in our taxi ride as we held hands the whole way to the airport. Yes I was sad to be leaving all my new friends, students, and beautiful second home, and no, I do no like saying goodbye. I especially do not like saying goodbye to a classroom full of amazing kids clinging to me and begging me to stay. - ones who are determined to come visit me and promise to write to me and ones who were my biggest challenge but forced me to grow. I did it tear-free. Even as I received beautiful gifts of flowers, notes, jewelry, and coffee beans (!) from other teachers in the school and my host family, as we hugged good bye and promised to keep in touch (we better).
I promise I'm not a heartless person, it's just that my body knew that I didn't have a reason to cry when I learned as much as I did, after I accomplished so much.
Why should I be sad when I've taken back so much with me? - so many pieces of a country, a culture, and friendships that will never escape me - and hopefully left just as much behind for them.
As Brian Andreas says so beautifully:
"I wish you could have been there
for the sun & the rain & the long, hard hills.
For the sound of the people laughing & crying & remembering at the end.
But, mainly, I wish you could have been there."
Now that I can courageously drink black coffee (if it's good coffee) and discipline a room full of monkeys (and love them at the same time) - now that I am capable of having conversations in another language and actually understand a lot of the lyrics in my Latin music - now that I have seen some of the most breath-taking coasts, mountains, exotic flowers and some entertaining creatures, typical dances, and intricately painted carts - now that I've danced the Salsa and Merengue with the Ticos and learned how to make some Tican meals - after all of this, I know why I had to go there in the first place.
But my bones feel so comfortable and nice back home for awhile (without my umbrella and rain boots).
