A Secret Recipe

I've been told this before, but it's official: teachers are actors. The students in my first ever classroom of my very own are big kids; they're at the top of the school, sixth graders who test their limits and everyone else's constantly. Every day. Every minute. What ever battle they choose, I must always win. What ever choice they choose, I have to be ready for. How ever high they raise the bar, I have to go that much higher.

As a girl who is very sensitive, I have to act tough. As a girl who always cares way too much, I have to take a step back and act as though the decisions they make don't bother me as much as they do.

I am an actress in the profession of teaching. My secret recipe for surviving my first year is made up of ingredients I've gathered from all kinds of people (mostly my DAD).

The most crucial ingredient is knowing that the choices they make as kids do not reflect me as a teacher... it's being able to not care quite as much and having rules that are in black & white, and following through with those rules. (I am not much of a black and white thinker, therefore, this is something else I am adding to my acting repertoire). It's being able to recognize that these are just kids who were just like me. They're just trying to fit in and figure out who they are. I should be all too familiar with this.

Soon enough, I think this acting will come all too natural to me, I'll be a total professional. However, just like every profession, it requires a lot of training and a lot of practice.

My recipe for surviving this year also calls for my inner child to come out, which is what I can honestly say I am a professional at. It requires caring for these kids as though they are my real kids. I wouldn't really know what that's like yet, but I can only imagine: lots of tough love.

To complete this recipe, you need to enjoy it for what it is. You need to have a score card and check off each days as either "a great day", "a good day", or an "it could be better day".

I am a teacher, and as a teacher I am also an actress, among other things. I am a learner myself. I have a tough job that I love - it drives me crazy, it's never ending, and it's exhausting. My first year teaching is insane and makes me want to break down and cry some days... but then I remember my recipe and I realize all of these incredible things that I am learning with what seems to be the toughest class of a lifetime.

This is exactly what I wanted for my first year though, isn't it? To be challenged & to challenge my students.

Finally, no one can forget the ingredient that makes the whole recipe of surviving the first year teaching: God, friends, and family.

Fresh thoughts are worth new ink

At times I'd like to be able to experience every profession, just to truly test out the "field" and compare them to my own.  I only semi-tried-out two, when I left school on "Take Your Daughter To Work" Day.  Clearly it was a fifty-fifty shot I was either going to be working with people's teeth or teaching them, and since I'm easily grossed out, I went with teaching.  Alright, that's really not exactly how that all went down, but see, we all have so many memories of being in school, or getting to leave school.  What I'm really trying to get at here... I just feel really fortunate for having what I consider the perfect job for me.  Being a teacher, I get to be apart of those really special/funny/awkward/proud moments for all kinds of kids.  I wonder sometimes if the kids I've taught so far in my life, will remember me and if I helped shed some sort of light on... on anything.  That's the thing with teaching, it's not strictly subjects that we teach.  

We teach how to approach a difficult problem, what to do when you're frustrated and your "head feels flatter than a pancake!", and how to have an open mind.  

There are always teachers who stand out to each of us, who have made learning fun and meaningful, who have brought out the best in us, who said one little piece of advice or one little  compliment and we are forever changed, forever grateful.  

Likewise, there are always students who stand out to each teacher... the students who made an everlasting impact on the teacher; the students who have made the teacher grow.

I know what this feels like on both ends of the spectrum.  

You don't see it coming, you don't know when you first meet a student if he or she will force you to learn more than you ever planned on.

And so, when I started teaching a first grader, *Jay, who knew I would have to dig so deep to find what would work for him.  What DO I have to do for this child when his head is flat like a pancake, or when he gets tangled up in all of the words on the page, even just one word? How do I help him not wiggle around in his chair causing him to fall out?  What am I supposed to do when he's near tears because the simplest question I ask him isn't something he knows how to answer?  How am I supposed to show him that it's okay if his drawing of a lion doesn't look just like a real lion?  All of these questions, continually, day to day, on top of my other students I was supposed to be teaching.  

So as a teacher, I'm learning day by day.  I researched and experimented and learned.  I discovered what "works" for Jay, although each day is different and I had to be equally as prepared even when I thought I had it all figured out.  

Although each child, each person, is different, if I have another student similar to Jay, maybe now I'll have a better idea of where to begin with him (or her).  If his head feels flatter than a pancake, I'll tell him to take a deep breath, to rest his head for a bit until it's full again.  I'll read through a new book with him at a good pace, stopping to let him fill in words I know he knows, help him to break up or sound out tricky words, and cross-check to make sure it makes sense in the story.  I'll find a different kind of chair for him where it's near impossible to wiggle in, and if he still tries, I'll be there to remind him that it's harder to read when his body is moving all over the place.  I'll give him plenty of time to think of an answer, and if the question just doesn't make sense, I'll stop and help him to make connections, talk him through it until it does make sense.

I don't give up easily.  And I'll teach my kids to do the same.  Just as I helped Jay draw animals.  He was very precise and knew his drawings weren't going to compare to real animals, so he wouldn't try.  Even after telling him it was okay, it doesn't have to be perfect because it's YOUR version of a lion.  When that wasn't enough, I decided to help him to look at the picture in the book to see different shapes that made up the lion.  ("I see kind of a long sideways oval for the body, do you?"  "Look at all those lines going around his circular face for a mane, can you try to do that?").  

It's a good feeling for both student and teacher when the student shows progress.  My last day working with Jay, he was to read a sentence full of long vowel words and draw an illustration of what the sentence was about.  I thought, "Uh oh, it's about a mule.  Prepare yourself, Allie."  With no reminders on how to sound out the long vowels, even after he got stuck, he stopped, slowed down, thought about it, and got it right.  Then, naturally, asked what a mule was.  I pointed to a picture of it in one of his other books.  I waited as he looked at it, and there he went observing the shapes that made up this silly little mule.  It turned out wonderfully.  Who KNEW?!  Who knew that in this child, who most would simply consider "wild"... I saw a curious, thoughtful, observant, precise, detail oriented, outstanding ball of energy.   

Jay made me learn - he pushed me to become an even better teacher. And I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to teach him.  Now I'm off to a new adventure.  Just like I always wanted, to go where I'm needed.  Not to get away from my amazing friends and family, but to take on a challenge where I'll change the world little by little.

"To be afraid and leap regardless: There is such power in that." S. H.

Mia Michaels said something like "if what you're doing doesn't make you a little bit nervous, doesn't challenge you, and you become bored, then you probably should be done with it."  I'm so nervous, so anxious, so thrilled and excited.  I am just beginning.  I know people are just waiting and wondering how I'm going to react when, as Jeremy said, a little sixth grade punk heckles me.  Well, it will all be told right here.  And who knows, maybe that little "punk" will be one of many who helps his teacher learn and become that much better.  Who knows?

The Truths of Optimism

picture from www.boygirlparty.com

It's not surprising, really, for someone to call me an optimist. Honestly, I don't take any offense to it either, like some people might intend for it to be.  This is because, as far as I'm concerned, optimism isn't being naive or living in a fantasy world where everything is all okay; it's about being hopeful and willing to see things positively because that's what it takes to survive in and help change a world full of too many harsh realities.  

How can I not be optimistic, as I am one of the fortunate ones.  I am not a girl living in a  constant state of fear or wondering how I'm going to survive each day; instead, I am a girl who is able to choose what it is I want to do with my life and has the freedoms that so many only dream about. I am a girl who lives peacefully at home, despite the fact that my country is potentially "failing" as truths come out about our privacy being disrupted, as our economy is in a fighting downward spiral and whose country, the one I call home, is despised by so many others.  People who don't even know me millions of miles away hate me because I'm an American.  

Yet, I, like other Americans, clearly haven't given up.  We witnessed one of the single most important days in our country as a man who signifies hope was inaugurated into presidency.  We see our chance, a small ray of opportunity to change the way we were portrayed by other countries, to pick ourselves up and make things better again.  He specifically calls us to not claim to part of the red states or the blue states, rather, the United States.  

He's willing to take on a huge challenge, and he's asking us all to help.  So for those people who are stubborn enough to love and choose their political party over their country by waiting for, and even selfishly wanting for our new President to fail, are just going to have to be made up for by the people who are willing to do their part to rebuild our country.

President Obama never once said he was going to do this himself, because that would be near impossible; but he is stepping up, helping us to strategize and inspire us because he knows the power of coming and working together - after all, look at all of these other broken up countries involved in civil wars - we're over that, we're better than that, and now is our time to prove it. 

So yes, I am optimistic and believe that we really can take this chance and become better - why wouldn't I want to at least try?  I don't care what race my president is, I don't care what political party he is, I just care about his good character, morale, intelligence, determination, and dedication to our country, and I don't know how anyone could refute that President Obama owns each and every one of those characteristics.  

I don't care to hear anyone, democrat or republican, say "I told you so", but honestly, I hope and have the faith in our President and country that we can, in fact, make a change for the better.

With that being said, I'm going to do my part, even if that means picking up and moving to an underprivileged area so that children who no one else believes in, will have a fair chance at succeeding.  I'm so excited to help out where I am needed, not to gain any sort of recognition and clearly not for money reasons, but so I know what I'm doing is truly worthwhile.  

I will do my part, optimism and all, take it or leave it, but I'm doing it, and I believe others will too.

"I wish you could have been there"

You have no idea how strange it feels not to think in Spanish almost every second of the day anymore, and I kind of miss it at times.  Some of the phrases and words are just so fun to say, and it's a little work out for your brain.  

I surprised myself- I didn't even cry at all as I left Costa Rica.  Not during my surprise going away parties with the fourth or fifth grade class, not during my last fancy ceviche dinner or arepas and coffee breakfast with Flor, not even in our taxi ride as we held hands the whole way to the airport.  Yes I was sad to be leaving all my new friends, students, and beautiful second home, and no, I do no like saying goodbye.  I especially do not like saying goodbye to a classroom full of amazing kids clinging to me and begging me to stay. - ones who are determined to come visit me and promise to write to me and ones who were my biggest challenge but forced me to grow.  I did it tear-free.  Even as I received beautiful gifts of flowers, notes, jewelry, and coffee beans (!) from other teachers in the school and my host family, as we hugged good bye and promised to keep in touch (we better).

I promise I'm not a heartless person, it's just that my body knew that I didn't have a reason to cry when I learned as much as I did, after I accomplished so much.

Why should I be sad when I've taken back so much with me? - so many pieces of a country, a culture, and friendships that will never escape me - and hopefully left just as much behind for them. 

As Brian Andreas says so beautifully:

 "I wish you could have been there 

for the sun & the rain & the long, hard hills.  

For the sound of the people laughing & crying & remembering at the end. 

 But, mainly, I wish you could have been there."

Now that I can courageously drink black coffee (if it's good coffee) and discipline a room full of monkeys (and love them at the same time) - now that I am capable of having conversations in another language and actually understand a lot of the lyrics in my Latin music - now that I have seen some of the most breath-taking coasts, mountains, exotic flowers and some entertaining creatures, typical dances, and intricately painted carts - now that I've danced the Salsa and Merengue with the Ticos and learned how to make some Tican meals - after all of this, I know why I had to go there in the first place.

But my bones feel so comfortable and nice back home for awhile (without my umbrella and rain boots).

The Ticklish Teacher in Ridiculous Rain Boots

If I don't make it as a teacher, it's possible I could have a career in acting as plan B. Not saying that this is going to happen, but I think my students are truly entertained by my acting skills during various lessons. So far, my favorite was when I pretended to be Angelina Jolie (it was for Oral English and the theme was being yourself). As much as I'm sure they would love to have Angelina Jolie as their teacher, it was obvious that they were getting a little intimidated when I every now and then busted out a "stunt".. and of course they missed the real me :-) Tuesday's reading lesson was a fun way to put my acting into play again, though, because it was about traveling to the moon (I've always wanted to be an astronaut, too). It was interesting because I really wanted them to read in groups or pairs depending on their reading level, but that's still a work in progress here. Since the comprehension isn't that strong with the story being in English. So I stop every now and then to explain/act - the best part was pretending to eat in space when my food kept floating away from me.. some of them were trying it, too. Not only does it help them understand the story better, but it also keeps their attention.

I'm so proud at how much more my students are putting their creativity into more of their classwork. At first, writing class was such a struggle for them to get ideas about topics and descriptions, so I started using more starter sentences, examples, and pictures to get them inspired. Their work is improving so much and I can tell they are proud to share them with me and each other (we have an Author's Chair for them to read to the class). On Monday I knew they would love the topic because the topic was "comic strips". (Sebastian actually already had created his own comic series in Spanish and English - they are soo impressive, I couldn't believe it.) A lot of the students have apparently been previously making up their own comics actually, so this was an area of high interest and they were very excited.

I took copies of easy Scooby Doo stories that I found randomly, just used the pictures and pasted some of the dialogue on each picture. Then, they had to read the dialogue and use the picture clues to put them in order. I also did an example of creating a cartoon character. I told them that I like mysteries and monkeys, so I was going to have a monkey who solved easy and silly crimes. I took some of their suggestions (like naming him after one of the kids in class, so he ended up being called Dennis the Monkey). They also helped me decide what he should say whenever he solved a crime... "Banana!" It doesn't sound that great, but they loved it, and it really motivated them.

Last Friday some of the students who were completely anticipating getting their reward for not having lost any stars through out the week came up to me at the end of the day. Not only did they laugh at me as I changed into my black rain boots with white polka dots, but they wouldn't stop asking what their reward was. So, without really thinking it over, I told them that since they were laughing at me their lucky reward was going to be... TICKLES! I did the trick that my dad does to me, where you move your fingers around in front of the person and only pretend to tickle - it worked because they were laughing without actually being tickled. Well, baddd move, because this sparked their curiosity... and they all started actually tickling me. I was stuck in the corner laughing uncontrollably as the rest of the class stopped getting ready for the end of the day to watch me, completely helpless.

Yet another lesson learned: Don't show your vulnerability to your students, especially if you're ticklish. (It's not very professional).

*Not proving anything to anyone - just showing up with a pure heart*

It was a pretty movie-worthy last weekend in Costa Rica. Alison and I met up for dinner in San Jose where we ate at "our place", the National Theater. It's gorgeous and has an elegant little restaurant inside with new displays of artwork each week and our table is right in front of a window that looks out at a little garden. We both had pumpkin soup to make it feel more like fall for us in the constant spring/summer-like weather here with winter-ish decorations already welcoming in Christmas (seriously, Costa Rica is all set for the holidays with fake snowmen and all). We stayed the night at her house, worrying the whole time that her roommates' class pet that she decided to bring home for the weekend would escape. The class pet, by the way, is a lobster who already escaped his cage once, and to make everything more reassuring for us, his name is Flash.. Luckily he stayed put for the night. We left early in the morning for Play Hermosa because it's not very far and it's secluded from a lot of touristy-ness... and there's gorgeous teal colored waves and black sand :-) We found a hotel right away right next to the beach where I accomplished my goals of having a completely relaxing and sun-filled (absolutely no rain) weekend. There was a live band playing at the place we went to for some ceviche where we ended up making friends with a young married couple from Colorado and their Australian friend. They do not ride kangaroos to school in Australia, in case you, too, were wondering. On Sunday I couldn't make myself realize that it was the last time I was going to be on the Costa Rican coast (for awhile anyway). It was scorching hot and burned my feet to walk the short distance from my towel to the tides washing up on the shore, but I took my time letting every little moment sink in so that I can always remember it. Being there is a step out of reality - it's almost too beautiful to take it all in - it's hard to believe that miles and miles away the leaves are changing colors and falling to the ground. I decided that I love both places equally as much - each place has its own kind of beauty, but the most beautiful part of each place, are the people I'm there with. That must be why I have more than one soul mate, assuming soul mates can be places. Costa Rica has made itself one of my soul mates, wether its along the coast or in my home and school in Tres Rios: because the people I've gotten a chance to meet, travel with, work with, or teach have all offered me something genuine that has helped to fill in the four months of my life here. Maybe it's a blessing that I attach myself so strongly to the places I go to and the people I meet - it's happened in back home in Eau Claire/Lake Wissota, and it's happened in Mexico on my mission trip; it's happened in North Carolina each time I go and clearly in Winona, as well - and now here. It's a blessing because now I have more than one place I can call home and more than five people who I can call family. It's actually kind of fitting that the reading lesson - my last reading lesson - that I have to teach my fourth graders here is about a boy who has found Japan and the U.S. to be home for him. I'm scared that I might start to cry on Tuesday when we read the last line of the story when he says,

"The funny thing is, no matter what country I'm in, I'm always homesick for the other."

PS, If you're curious how umbrella #4 is holding up - the handle somehow broke off, which makes it uncomfortable to hold, and a lot of times I get the feeling that it's not water-proof.. but other than that, I think it will survive for the next few days!!

Teaching Shoes / Nicaragua in a Seashell

I must really love my students - in Costa Rica you're allowed to bring in homemade food to share at school, and so as a reward for my "star students" who didn't lose any stars during the week (last week), I decided to bake cookies for them. Luckily I gave myself two days in advance to prepare myself for this event because, as many friends and family know- especially Sarah- whenever I attempt to bake a dessert, the outcome is always more of an abstract piece of art. The first time around, when I decided to pour in some oatmeal so they would be a little healthier, and when I decided to pour it all into a cake pan because I was too tired to wait for batches of cookies, I don't think the presentation would have quite cut it. I just don't think many people typically enjoy being handed a bag of cookie-brownie crumbs that took an hour to be scraped out of a pan. A second attempt was thankfully all it took (even though it took a lot of time and effort) and I successfully baked regular old chocolate chip cookies wrapped up in little bags with yarn. Much better - pretty cute actually. I think I may have spent way too long with my whole baking process, but my students said I passed the test with bringing them homemade cookies (maybe they don't get homemade cookies very often). Unfortunately for them, I'm thinking that I'm done with sharing my baking-works-of-art for my last few weeks here, as much as I love them. Instead I'll most likely end up spending way too much time on a different sort of prize - but they deserve it after all.

Before, I wrote that basically all of my students are my favorites in different ways, but I think I have a secret absolute favorite in my fourth grade class. It must be because he never demands much attention; he's friends with the group of boys my dad calls "the Romeos" who are almost always causing a stir in the classroom; when the Romeos start to get way too rowdy and loud, he backs out and sits there quietly with an innocent and apologetic expression on his face, and he is often the one to call out to the class "Silencio!!!" (silence!!); he's also friends with a girl who's very independent and basically an outcast as far as everyone else is concerned; even though he's a quiet student, every now and then he will answer a question, and I can tell he's a smart kid from his homework, when he tries. But the thing that especially made me favor him (okay his name is Sebastian, which only makes him cooler in my book), is that he's a true blue little poet! I was checking everyone's notebooks (the Teacher Allison notebooks that were sent from a church back in Eau Claire) to make sure everyone did the writing assignment. Underneath his assignment, he also wrote a little poem... at least I think it's his own writing. I read it and wanted to cry and smile at the same time. I gave him an extra sticker (woo! must have been his lucky day) and wrote him a message encouraging him to keep writing poems because he's got talent. So now I present to you Sebastian's poem:

Because a family is

a family when

there is love in

the air

maybe a dozen

or maybe a pair

A family is

where (there are) 12 or

two, we could be a

family just me

and you

I don't know how anyone could not love these kids. Even more so when they say things like, "Hey T... do you have masking (tape)? It's cuz... (sigh) I'm in love with Maria Jose" - haha - I'm blessed to have such an awesome, challenging, and a lot of times strange, experience here. I can practically feel myself growing into my teaching shoes every day.

Today (Wednesday) I didn't have any lessons to teach but I was kept busy all day with grading exams, getting report cards ready, and making sure our class was in order when my cooperating teacher was teaching - all that fun stuff :-) I was SO unbelievably happy when she realized that we needed to give them a new seating chart because otherwise she just lets all the kids just sit where ever they want, which is the source of most of our problems in my opinion. I was so relieved and jumped up to help her choose where each kid should sit - I had been thinking about this for awhile so I basically had it all sorted out in my head already. She took most of my suggestions, but not all, which is okay, it's progress. It was weird though, because I think she wanted to give into their complaining about their new seats just to eliminate their whining. She told me, "aww, look at J.J.'s face" - you have no idea, Jose Javier has THE most innocent puppy dog eyes I've EVER seen (whenever he's supposed to be in trouble, it's hard to keep your heart from melting the second he looks at you). I couldn't look at J.J. or I would have gave in, so I immediately told the class that the more they complained the longer they would have to sit in their new seats. A miracle happened: they were silent.

Even with their new seats a couple boys raised their hands to give the same exact answer one right after another about how at camp they were "boring" so they "made a party". The teacher just listened, even as they began to quarrel about who copied who. Normally I would have let her handle this since she was teaching the lesson, but I couldn't help it and without thinking I corrected them. I told them that they probably mean that either they were "bored" or that "camp was boring" and went on to explain this further. I almost felt bad as they just sat there embarrassed at their mistake, so I added "just so you know... and also, it doesn't matter who copied who, just do your own work next time". I love the power of a smile, because after I tell them things like this, I just give them a little smile and then merrily go about my work as though nothing happened - and they just sit there totally bewildered.

I felt like I had total and complete power over the discipline in the classroom today and I'm still on a high from it. The star - reward system seems to really be working, and it's even better when my cooperating teacher uses it with them, too. After lunch today I was sitting at the teachers' table working on some things, when all of a sudden the other teachers, classes, and I all heard a fiesta going on in the fourth grade classroom upstairs. A teacher came down and told me that my class didn't have a teacher in the room (their social studies teacher was no where to be found at the time for who even knows why). So I walked upstairs where one of the kids was standing outside of the classroom... as soon as he saw me, he ran into the classroom and quickly tried to close the door behind him as he ran to his seat. When I walked into the classroom, I purposely left the door open because I'm sure everyone outside was listening to hear what was going to happen. I wasn't angry with them - Instead I just looked at them with a "are you kidding me?" expression and that may have surprised them, I don't know... but they all guiltily (and quietly) sat in their seats. With a curious look on my face, my head cocked to the side and a hand on my hip I asked, "Did you know... that the WHOLE school could hear you just a couple minutes ago?... and that's not a good thing" (blank stares). I patiently told them that just because they didn't have a teacher in the room with them didn't mean they had to act like animals in a zoo - as I said it I had a smile on my face and they all just kind of giggled quietly. I told them that I know they're capable (then I had to simplify that by saying "I know you all are able...") to be an amazing and smart class, and that they should prove that to everyone more often. I couldn't believe it - a few more minutes passed until their social studies teacher came in the room, and they were still behaving and quiet. I believe my teaching shoes just grew 10 times bigger today!

Nicaragua in a Seashell: Nick and Steve (two of the other student teachers) went with me on a border hop to Nicaragua, which took us about seven hours each way. From the second we got into our taxi at 3:30 am to the second we arrived at the border where we excitedly got our passports stamped and where a Nicaraguan lady selling hammocks told me she'd remember my face for when I returned on Sunday to the second we arrived at our hostile in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua, it was a total and complete adventure. For as lost and confused as we felt most of the time, we did an excellent job acting like we knew exactly what we were doing. Our saying the whole time kept us in check, too: "Gettin' Freaky in Nici" - such as while we played soccer with limes up and down the beach - I mean, how much freakier can you get??

Let me just say that Nicaragua is, as was expected, much, much poorer than Costa Rica. We had to be careful where ever we walked down the street because most of them were flooding with backed up sewers. People sat with the doors open to their houses because it was so hot constantly, even when it rained. The people generally looked sad - except for the barefoot boys on the street banging on some things calling out "ONE DOLLAR!" as we passed by, they were having a good time. Actually, most of the children seemed to be totally content. It was awesome seeing them play on the beach either playing intense soccer or volleyball games all day long (I don't think they ever stopped) or just rolling around in the sand as the waves washed up onto the shore where they were just loving life.

The hostile we stayed at was really a lot better than I originally expected - even though the power went out a few times each day (but that was planned for the whole city) and sometimes there wasn't any running water. It was a lot of fun though making almost all of our meals ourselves in the shared kitchen - we made some amazing (and creative, thanks to me) meals. For example, I found this awesome dark pinkish purple exotic looking fruit at the market and made a really sweet refresco with it. We used the leftovers of the fruit that wouldn't strain completely and mixed it in our pancake batter the next morning - DELICIOUS. Some of the people that stayed there who we became friends with were from Australia, Israel, and Minnesota - pretty random. It's crazy how many people travel alone all across the world. These people just go from country to country for months at a time, without no real plan in mind.

Since we had two full days there, we went in a taxi-bus to the only beach we could get to (since the other roads were flooded to the other better beaches). It was a secluded area with huts to sit under and tables outside of it, which was good because I didn't feel like sprawling out on the rocky beach. It was a relaxing day talking to new people, reading in a hammock, eating ceviche, and watching the surfers.

The next day the three of us went on a hiking adventure. We got stuck within the first few minutes because we had to cross over a gross river. We started out trying to make a bridge, but it wasn't going to make it, so instead we each paid 20 cents to a guy who was taking 10 second trips back and forth in his falling apart canoe. The hike up the streets along the bluff and up to the very top wasn't too terribly strenuous, but it was extremely hot - so we just kept reminding ourselves that we were getting freaky in Nici and enjoyed the view at the top.

Another thing, that has nothing much to do with Nicaragua, but in the hostel we thought we were so lucky to be the only ones in the room the first night because we each got a bed on the bottom of the bunk beds. NOT a good idea for me. In the middle of the night I was half asleep and sat up way too fast, banging my head on the board above me - I vaguely remember just being in total shock, covering my forehead with both hands, falling back onto my pillow and passing out. The next morning I woke up with a bad headache and realized I got a case of the bottom-bunk-bump on my forehead. That was almost too freaky for me, I had to settle down after that.

Anyway, Nicaragua in a seashell - we enjoyed the little area that we were in, buying a few things because they were cheap (banana sundaes were a dollar!), and wandering around trying not to look too touristy, which didn't work I'm sure. It's hard not to stop and take out your camera for a picture of huge pigs tied up with a leash or a lonely horse standing on the side of the rode waiting in front of a building with "for sale" painted on it in Spanish, but I did hold myself back from taking a picture of one of the thousands of stray dogs that looked like half dog / half cow because of its "utters". I don't know, but it was an interesting experience traveling to a place where people walk around carrying things on their heads and blaring Spanish polka music out into the streets. However, we were very happy to make it back "home" to Costa Rica safely.

Oh and by the way, the Nicaraguan hammock lady really did remember me on Sunday when we arrived back at the boarder. In fact, she was waiting right where our bus let us out and reached out her hand to help me up the steps. Her little girl was so excited to hand the hammock to me (which was five dollars!). Good old Nici, but now that we're back, we're going to be "getting freaky, deaky in Costa Rici" according to Nick. Who really wanted me to "sign out" of this post as "Sharp Eyes Allie Cat saying WOAH! ..until next time".... buuut.. I'm not going to.

PS thank you everyone for the comments! I love reading them. Also, since I'm flying home on Halloween, what does everyone think I should dress up as on my plane ride? (note: a terrorist costume is NOT a good idea).

My Princess in the Sky

 "The only tears you should cry, cry laughing" 

~Laugh So You Don't Cry by Andy Davis

Esta es la vida - That's life ... I knew I would lose my princess while I was in Costa Rica; I just had this sad feeling of the cold truth in my heart that she was getting old and having such a hard time walking.  I was scared that when I was leaving and saying goodbye that it would be our final goodbye, and sure enough, she ended up being the one leaving me.  I agree, dogs are man's best friend, because my Holly was my little baby girl pup since I was nine.  I was always convinced that if she were a human, she would have been a prissy and dainty girl - she loved being cozy, curled up and asleep near a fireplace or sprawled out in the sun.  She would have made a great model because she especially loved posing for pictures, or so I believed - she was a natural.  I would know, I have more pictures of her than probably anyone or anything else in the world. She was such a doll, and now she's a star in the sky like my mom said, looking down over us.  So I don't get to return to her like I had hoped, and so it goes, that's life.. princesses all have to leave us at one time or another, they've got bigger and better places to go where they can be eternally beautiful. 

"I finally got out 

I looked at the world to see

In your eyes I figured it out 

what took you away from me

I know daisies never bloom inside of a room

There's nothing left for me to do

I'm free like you

Six feet under"

~6 ft Under by the Woods

"But I don't think my heart's ever let me down

And I still cry because I can't always have it my way, 

And sometimes crying can help you out. 

Sing it aloud, sing it aloud, 

and scream, shred your lungs I need to hear you louder now, 

and sing, as if you'll never sing again. 

And when the morning comes and your throat is sore, 

You'll face the day like you did before, 

With a smile on in the end." 

***********************

I'm convinced that no matter what's going on in my life, I always have a soundtrack that I live by and it is constantly changing each day.  Sometimes I can't really tell, though, if I put songs to what's going on around me and how I'm feeling, or if I adapt how I'm feeling and how I respond to what's going on around me based on the music I'm listening to.  It depends, I suppose.  Supposedly Travis and Nick, two of the other student teachers here, are putting together a soundtrack of Costa Rica based on their memories here - what a good idea.  Music is probably one of the best ways to capture and keep memories alive, aside from photographs. If there's one thing I need in life, it's music - it's my healer for when I don't feel well; it's my dance partner whether I'm alone or not; it's my epiphany-generator and outlet for expression; it wakes me up in the morning and puts me to bed at night... it does so many things that I can't possibly list them all. Anyway, thank you music for being so amazing, I don't know what I'd do without ya (I suppose a giant "thank you" to everyone who makes music, would be appropriate, too.. especially my dad who not only makes music, but keeps it alive by passing it on to his students and everyone around him). 

Another thank you!!! to Lisa K. for all of the new music you have shared with me - music is the best gift :)

Yesterday I don't think I could have asked for a better half-birthday celebration.  1.) I got to celebrate it in Costa Rica ... which is the main reason I decided to celebrate it actually, just so I could say that... 2.) I got to sleep in, work out in the gorgeous weather, go to my favorite cafe, go to an art museum, have a picnic outside and watch little kids chase birds around, go to a movie (even though it ended horribly), and I went out dancing with friends ... okay that's more than 2 things but I didn't feel like putting all those numbers in there.  It doesn't matter how many things I did, it just matters that it was an excellent day.. even though I'm not officially 22 1/2 until Monday, but still.  And by the way, yes, I realize that I sound very childish saying that I'm 22 1/2, but I'm pretty proud of it and I generally just like coming up with reasons to celebrate.  

Something I've learned, and advise others to do: Make friends with the person sitting next to you on the bus.  (Of course you can apply this to other places, too, like if you're in a long line or something).  Or at least just say hi.  That seems so blatantly obvious, but anyone who knows me knows that I can be shy especially when I first meet someone - put me in a situation where I am sitting next to a complete stranger for a long bus ride, then add the fact that this person speaks a language I'm still practicing, then it only adds to my shyness... it also makes for some awkward moments, which I actually kind of find amusing now.  So when a Tican girl about my age sat down next to me on the bus home from Puerto Viejo I probably would have been fine to come up with something to say now that I'm feeling more confident speaking in Spanish... except that there's one more thing: I literally thought I was going to die of thirst.  I have never been so thirsty in my life.  I left a day earlier than the guys and came straight from the beach, just in time to make it to my bus, but not enough time to buy more water.  I felt so awkward sitting there staring out the window trying to think of how I was going to last 4 hours longer with no water when I realized I could just ask the girl sitting next to me.  I didn't want to be rude and have that be the first thing I said to her, I had to become her friend first, and then ask her for water... did she even have water? So I tried not to make it obvious, but I kept sneaking glances to see if she did.  Maybe I would have just started talking to her first in other circumstances, but I couldn't think because I was just that thirsty.  I thought that if I could just get some water, then I would be able to properly communicate with this girl, but wait, in order to possibly get my water, I'd have to talk to her first... what a vicious little circle.  You have no idea how awkward this was sitting next to a girl I didn't know for probably about half an hour without saying a single word and no eye contact, nothing, just sitting there right next to each other. Finally we had a moment where we almost looked at each other at the same time, but then we both looked away, and then I decided that it was really lame of us, I'm just going to get it over with or this is going to be an extremely long ride.  So I faced my tired and dizzy head right at her (probably looking like I was drunk) and literally just said a big, "Hola".  That was it, it was all I could come up with at the time.. how original.  She looked at me and giggled an "hola" back, which made me smile and ask (stupidly) if she was from Costa Rica to which she giggled a "si".  And that was that.  I turned my head and continued to stare out the window thinking of how lame I was but glad that I at least broke the ice... mmm ice.. I was still dying of thirst and obviously still felt bad for asking her for water after that weird, initial hola.  After a few minutes she thought of a couple other get-to-know-you questions.  It went on like that for probably another half an hour, saying a couple sentences, and then looking out the window, repeat.  At one point she listened to her i-pod for a little bit and I was enjoying her music, and then told her so after she put it away.. but I think she was embarrassed that she was playing it loud enough for me to hear.  And I still couldn't ask her for the water.  Finally, the bus stopped at a rest stop; she asked if I needed to get out of the bus and I ran off the bus, never more excited to buy a bottle of water.  When I sat back down next to her, I tried to savor my water and drink it casually... I think it was gone in under three minutes. A little bit later it was too dark to read or stare out the window, but then this girl (her name was Estezi), got out her i-pod again... and she asked if I wanted to listen with her.  The shy me didn't know if I should accept or not, but if I didn't, then she'd probably think I was mocking her earlier when I said I liked her music... and I really did want to listen anyway.  So I mustered out an "ok" and put the earphone in and there we sat for about the rest of the way home.  No words were needed, we just snuggled up to this Spanish music playing in our ears.  I had an epiphany (remember, music makes that happen) and I thought that we could have spent the whole bus ride in complete silence, feeling too shy or too cool to say hi to each other... but really, that was all it took: hola.  Two girls who had just met randomly on the bus sharing headphones blaring out these Spanish love songs, probably both of us thinking about the guys in our lives who made us feel the same. I felt like I was sitting there curled up with Sarah or Gussy, two of my amazing friends.  So I guess there's just one more reason why I love music so much... and that's probably reason enough to love it.

For a complete change of subject, I just want to throw it out there that I'm on umbrella number 4 - that's four umbrellas in the course of two and a half months.  It's absolutely crucial to have an umbrella in CR, which is why I spent so much time picking out the perfect umbrella before I came here.  It was lime green with light blue polka dots - I wanted to be different and bring some color on rainy days.  Well, it got stolen after four days of being here.. which is what I get for spending too much time on picking it out.  So then my Aunt Kathy let me keep hers since she was with me when it got stolen and she was leaving the country anyway.  It was a nice dark green umbrella, no problem.  And it got left somewhere in Manuel Antonio. Okayyy so then my dad gave me his lovely umbrella, but by lovely, I mean very cheap (haha its okay dad) but yes, it lasted a few weeks, and then decided it didn't like its job anymore.  I finally purchased an umbrella after a couple days of trying to tough it out in the rain - not a bright idea by the way.  I made sure not to spend toooo much time on picking it out, (unfortunately I didn't see a brightly colored one, just dark blue with some kinda pattern on it) but I had to make sure it wasn't overly priced and would at least be durable enough to last 6 weeks for me.  Wish my umbrella and me luck, we'll probably need it :)   

One more thing for now: I've always thought and told my mom that she is one of my best friends - and it remains true; I have a good amount of wonderful friends but my mom is just one of the best of the best.  It's funny though, because at the same time I identify myself as a Daddy's Girl.  As I'm reading this book he gave me to read, I can't help but acknowledge how lucky I am - he's right, he HAD to have written this book, because he is almost identical to the author (Randy Pausch - The Last Lecture).. except that I'm fortunate to have him in my life longer than Randy's children got to have him in their lives.  I'm getting towards the end of this book and Randy, who is dying of cancer writes that he wants his 18 month old daughter to know that he was the first man to ever fall in love with her.  My dad highlighted this part (as I told him to highlight parts in the book that he especially liked) and wrote a note to me saying that he has always felt the same way.  I've gotten so good at keeping my emotions at check and I hardly ever cry, no matter how choked up I am - but he got me.  I think all girls need to hear this from their dads because as guys come in and out of our lives, we wait and wait for the right guy to become head over heels in love with us; a guy who not only promises to always love us, but who actually proves it with his actions.. we wait, but really, this guy has been there all along.  Clearly it's a different kind of love, but I think the waiting for the other guy becomes a little bit easier when you know how much love you already have.